Sexy MFer

Prince's "Sexy M.F." is a song so over-the-top that it veers head-on and crashes into awesome.  For reasons that remain inexplicable it became the theme song of my bachelor party, which is the kind of wrong-headed thinking that occurs when 10 guys start doing shots of Bacardi 151 on a boat in Brainerd.  (In a related development that will surprise no one, we woke up the next morning to discover that at some point during the night's proceedings we had broken off the sun deck off the back of the boat.  It was just...gone.)

Maybe there have been more mis-matched bachelor party theme songs over the years than Sexy M.F. for a bunch of suburban guys getting liquored up on a lake in central Minnesota and gagging on cigars (OK, that was just me).  But this came on the stereo at some point and we just ran with it.  Or, more accurately, stumbled with it.  I'm fairly certain there was dancing but the statute of limitations has run out on those abominations.

I'm sure all of this was foreseen by Prince.  During the songwriting process I can envision him thinking, "Yes, a few years from now this song will be co-opted by a bunch of dufuses from the whitest suburb in Minnesota as their weekend theme song, with none dufus-ier than the soon-to-be groom.  They will be the least sexy motherfucker-ish dopes to walk the earth.  They will gyrate and thrust like birthing ostriches.  They will sing along off-key and butcher half the lyrics.  One of them will fall over backward into the lake.  I write this anthem for them."

And who, exactly, is the Sexy Motherfucker described in the song?  It can't be directed at the girl.  "You sexy motherfucker" has to be at or near the bottom of effective pick-up lines.
Average Guy: "You sexy motherfucker!"
Her:  "Why yes, I'd love to go out with you and start a fulfilling, long-lasting relationship."

Yeah, uh, no.  This song may be ostensibly about a woman but the title isn't about her.  The words of the song keep insisting this isn't about sex, until the end when, in fact, it's clearly all about sex.  The crowning glory of the song are the deep-voiced lads at the end repeating, glee-style, "sexy motherfucker shakin that ass, shakin that ass."

Obviously Prince himself is the sexy motherfucker.  He's of the class of guy that could walk into a room of babes, drop a line like that, and have it work.  And it had worked for him for some time before he wrote this song.  Much in the same way Justin Timberlake or Leo DiCaprio could walk into a gaggle of uber-hotties, say something inane like, "chicken salad" and each and every girl would launch herself at him.  THAT is a sexy motherfucker.

On the other end of the spectrum, but still happy with our lot in life, was our group.  The guys at the lake cabin that night had to use traditional means to land their women:  cajolery and pleading, visual trickery obfuscating one's true physique and hairline, good old-fashioned sales puffery regarding career prospects, strategic use of alcohol, and puppies.